new perspective

If you’ve ever been betrayed by, gossiped about, or bullied by another woman or friend, then I think you’ll easily relate with what I want to say. Sometimes there is nothing more hurtful than being snubbed or talked about by another female. It goes deep in to the core of our self-worth and says, “you’re not valuable enough to deserve any better.” My life has been altered by the words and actions of other women. In some ways it was for the better, but in too many it was for the worse. Being treated like this can make you feel set aside. It’s the worst isn’t it? I mean, let’s just be honest, no one likes to feel left out or overlooked. There’s a deep craving weaved in to the fiber of our being, put there by our creator, to be desired and wanted. But that craving is meant to be curbed through our relationship with Christ. As Lysa Terkeurst said recently, “God tells us we are not set aside, but set apart.” This resonated so deeply with me because there are a million things around me that could easily convince me that I’m a nobody, set aside, and unnecessary.  But it’s nothing but a lie, made up by our enemy. Being created by God, in His image, means we have a heritage of royalty. How we live, treat ourselves and others, reflects our beliefs about that.  If you’re like me, being mistreated by someone can also cause you to become very aware of your own words and actions. It helps me to look outward at how I’m treating the women in my life. Whether it’s someone in my circle of influence or the clerk in the department store, it’s become a goal of mine to greet everyone with a smile and to give them respect through eye contact, listening, and taking genuine interest in their lives. Being hurt by someone can cause one of two reactions.  You  become increasingly aware of how just a few words, a look, or body language can either make someones day, or send them spireling in to a cycle of self-pity. Or it can make you bitter, resentful, and vengeful.  We can easily become very hard on ourselves and even start to believe we are some how unworthy, all because someone didn’t treat us as we’d expected. But this also has taught me to heed my mother’s wisdom. “always give people the benefit of the doubt.” Sometimes we are busy, over extended, exhausted, and pre-occupied, and we miss the opportunity to be kind. Unfortunately it can be misunderstood and taken as though we don’t care. But again, this is why I work so diligently at putting aside my own issues when I’m around others. And honestly, it typically will change my whole outlook on my own situation.

I think that the next generations are learning this more quickly than we did, simply because of the rampant spread of insecurity in our culture. Every decade it seems the competition increases, the availability of comparison grows, and bullying has become a consistent headline in our schools and communities. Insecurity is the breeding ground for many unattractive qualities; meanness, gossip, slander, covetouseness, competition, and a slow decline in our moral. But I think our generation is feeling the urgency that we must teach the younger girls what we’ve learned.  Women like Beth Moore, Lisa Bevere, Chris Cain, Lysa Teurkerhurst, and sooo many more have taken the torch to light the way, in spite of incredible odds. They’ve overcome so many trials and endured the worst of storms; bulimia, sexual abuse, rape,  low self-esteem, rejection, abortion, poor body image, perfectionism, demonic attack, and much more. But what they have in common is their love for Jesus and other women. There’s a generation of women growing in strength and valor that are more concerned about seeing others find freedom and reach their potential, than their own agendas. They are beacons of light, reflecting God’s grace and love, unifying us across generations and cultures. When we are focused outward, with a heavenly perspective we will see the needs. The next step is having the courage to meet them. If you will take personal responsibility to stay, flexible, teachable, and available for God to use you at a moment’s notice, change can continue to come. 

The bible confirms and empowers us with this relevant truth.

“the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanders )malicious false statements), not given to much wine, teachers of good things – that they admonish (teach) the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste (sexual morality), homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” Titus 2:3-5

He hates pride, lying tongues, hearts that devise wicked plans, false witnesses who speak lies, and sowing discord among the brethren (proverbs 6:16-19)

“as a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is s lovely woman who lacks discretion.” Proverbs 11:22

“whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid/” proverbs 12:1

“an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4

“he who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.” Proverbs 13:3

“a friend loves at all times…” prov. 17:17a

“a merry heart does good, like medicine….” Proverbs 17:22a

“she girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms…she extends her hand to the poor, yes she reaches out her hands to the needy…strength and honor are her clothing; sh shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with swisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindess.” Proverbs 31:17,20,25,26

“charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a women who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” 

Proverbs 31:30

So you see, it really isn’t optional; there’s no negotiating on the subject.  We are commanded by a loving, sovereign God to live a life that is upright and a witness to His true character. We are ambassadors of Christ therefore we cannot go on living like it’s an option. His promises are good for it. He will bring peace that passes understanding, fulfillment like nothing we’ve known before, and blessings that cannot be measured! We can always will look for opportunities to pour in to another life and find someone to pour in to our own! 

I leave you with some quotes to inspire you to be the best you. I’m on the same journey with you so never feel alone.

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and help them become what they are capable of being.
~ Goethe

“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.” ~Diane Mariechild

Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt –

Remove those ‘I want you to like me’ stickers from your forehead and, instead, place them where they truly will do the most good — on your mirror!” ~Susan Jeffers

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of god. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make and manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson 

a masterpiece in the works

this picture may not look like a master piece to anyone, but it does to me. considering what my daughter's pictures looked like only a year ago, this is a HUGE improvement. half of the things she drew or painted in school a year ago we couldn't really identify. i'm inspired and proud of the progress she's made in only one year. her progress really is relative though. see, to me as her mother, i know where she came from. i've seen the work she's put in. i've been able to be there every step to see the transformation. so even though to an outsider it may not seem like much, or they may even think, "that's not that great for a 5 year old," they don't have the advantage of my perspective. i would defend her to the death to anyone who'd say otherwise because i know her and i know her journey. 

i think it's really similar to our own lives. we are all on different journeys and different maturities in our relationship with Jesus. how many times have you felt judged in a season you had been feeling proud of just to have survived. then one person can come along and make you doubt. because they are judging you by how they see you in your present circumstances, not by where you've come from. BUT not Jesus. He has walked every step with you in your journey. He knows exactly how far you've come from last year, last month, and even yesterday. He knows the pain you've endured to get here. and in fact, He DID die to defend that truth in your life. His sacrifice said you're worth it. He believes in the you he created you to be, not the you the enemy tells you or the world keeps trying to see you as. He knows your potential and your present position. He's seen your growth and the countless hours of prayer. He's given you strength through the struggle, perseverance through the pain, and break through in the battle. so even though others may not be able to grasp the gain you've made, you can have confidence that your Father does and He, as your creator, believes in you. HE IS FOR YOU!

I am.....

Today after doing some thinking, I decided to make a list of some of the things I AM. Usually I spend more energy and time on mentally listing all the things I'm not or that I fail at. I'm VERY hard on myself. Anyone else know what I'm talking about? I apologize too much, talk down to myself, over think conversations, second guess my reactions, over analyze, and fall prey to thinking I'll never be what I used to be. But the truth is, not everything I used to be was so great (except maybe my jean size). Over the past 11 years, marriage and becoming a parent have given me some great wisdom and have grown some characteristics in me I'd say I rather like.
These days,
I'm more thoughtful
I'm more caring
I enjoy serving others
I am more patient
I enjoy being home with my family
I know better what's really important
I know how to make a dang good lunch box
I am great at reading to children and I love it
I sing with more passion & authenticity
I know how to laugh at myself
I have improved my decorating skills
I have better hair
I know how to balance a budget
I know how to do quarterlies for an S-corp :O)
I am good at cleaning a house
I am more encouraging
I am better at conflict resolution
I can make yummy blueberry scones, chocolate chip cookies, & fish tacos
I know how to love more deeply
.....but most importantly, I love Jesus more today and I understand more just how important it is to live my life following hard after Him.
In 2014 I am going to spend more time verbally and physically putting positive energy back in to myself. I want to stop letting energy seep out of me in to things that have no eternal value or bring no negative energy back my way. I want to stop giving power to anyone over my life other than God and stop letting others determine my value.
More serving, more giving, more loving, more patience, more loyalty, and more of Jesus.

time to upgrade?

When I think about upgrading, I think about my iphone, technology, maybe my car or my house, but I don't typically think about myself or my relationships. In a conversation the other night with my close friend Heather Rivera, she told me about something God had been speaking to her and her husband. She spoke about the need for upgrading; spiritually, relationally, & personally. It really stuck with me because I've never given that idea much thought in regards to those areas. She said when God allows trials in our lives, it may be because He knows it's time for us to upgrade in our relationship with Him or others. Time to take the next step and grow a little more. I think most of us would agree real growth happens when our ideals or foundations are stirred & shaken a bit,or maybe when our faith is tested, because these are the times we find out what we're made of. Maybe as we are figuring it out and our true colors are exposed for all to see, we realize it just might be time to grow and step forward. Forward in our faith & our character. It may be time to dump some of the worldly things we've held tightly for far too long.
So as I look forward to this year I was wondering how can I upgrade in my own life. MANY things came to mind. Some I was thinking of for others, some for myself, & so I thought I'd share, just in case you have been giving this some thought too. (A few of the things I took from an article I was reading and they are marked *.)
 
1. Give God the first few minutes of your day. Test Him in this and see how it impacts your daily life.
2. Get out of debt. YES, YOU CAN!! It's possible, you just need a plan, a budget, and some accountability.
3. Give up your ideals and make real goals that are achievable on a daily, weekly, monthly, and annual basis. Every author I know who talks about success says goals MUST be written down. so give it a try. start with a week and then go from there.
4. dream and let it guide you to new possibilities for your life.
5. try writing letters to people. tell them how much you appreciate them. write thank you notes. have more face to face contact. Connect.
*6. cut bad people out of your life. these are the people that are always taking from you, whether emotionally or physically. you deserve reciprocity. every person around you is someone that you chose to keep around in your life, and it will always be your decision to keep them away.
*7. stop caring about what other people think.
      "your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. don't be trapped by dogma - which is living witht the results of other people's thinking. don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. and most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. they somehow already know what you truly want to become. everything else is secondary." steve jobs
8. look to bless someone every day either in word or deed. it doesn't take that much to give a little, but it will reap in huge ways in your life.
*9. stay off your phone in the company of others. if you can't appreciate the time you are spending with that person, re-evaluate if that person is even worth your time
10. try 5 new foods. our pallet changes over time and you may find that you suddenly like asparagus (like me:)

Remember that we are all on a road that's leading somewhere. If you do not know your destination, how will you know you're going the right way? Figure out what you're moving toward so that you're free to embrace what really matters, the journey itself (the success journey).
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

what's worth my time?

every day life can slap ya in the face faster than you can see it coming. i swear if i focus on all the things that haven't gone my way i'd loose it. what i'm coming to realize is i have to find that answer to this question, "what's worth my time?" i will admit that i can be the worst at trying to manage my days. my husband is astounded i can get anything done. i thrive in schedules, but having two little kids, i realized how difficult it was to keep them. i am now at the place where it's starting to affect my sanity and i'm going to have to make some changes. i never realized how strongly i held to my comforts and predictablility, but it really ends up getting me in more trouble than not. so in this new year i have some major items that need dealing with. things i've sworn would change and haven't. i can only pray and put my hope in Jesus that He'll give me the strength and fortitude to make the changes permanent. my mind, emotions, and family need them.
if you're thinking some of these same thoughts, join me! i love to be an encourager to those running the race with me! so if you're on your way to new paths, here's my word for you,
"you've got this! the only thing that stops you is you. whatever follows "i am" will come looking for you so make sure it's something you really want to be! you may get weary and frustrated, but call on Him, He will be your rescuer, your cloud by day, fire by night.....you've got this!"

reverance, fear, and holiness

i want to bring a challenge to you today because whether i like it or not, i HAVE to share what i'm learning and what God's impressing on my heart. it's like this unstoppable urge to bring everyone along with me. so, what i'm challenged with, i want others to hear too. so i apologize now :O)
something i've been feeling God impressing on my heart for about 2 years now is the word "holiness." it's one of those words that doesn't get thrown around in conversation very often. right along with reverance and fear. i think in these modern times we stray away from what we might consider "Bible terms," as though they don't apply to us. i think in our hearts we know they should, but we feel much more comfortable just leaving them on the pages than actually applying them to our daily lives.
i've been working through"a study of david," so alot of what i'm learning and will share will come from those pages. one thing that stood out to me that beth moore said, is that whenever God has a new day dawning in her life, he also demands a new reverence from her and has something new about his holiness he wants to show her. how true this is in my own life. but whether i respond to it is a different thing all together. i think we have seasons of movement. we can feel it. it demands response, but how many times have we felt that nudge, only to push it away and move forward with things the way they have always been....right where we're comfortable. this is where the challenge would come. we have to take God's command to come out and be seperate seriously. at some point we have to make a decision to follow. to not allow others, whether the Godless or even Christians, be our standard. how many times do we justify or gauge our lives by others. just because others may get away with irreverance, does not mean God is any less holy. in beth moore's study, she makes this statement, "we are sometimes tempted to measure our respect for God bythe lack of respect surrounding us. the godless however are not our standard. God is." i don't know how many times i've made the statement that we as Christians have a tendancy to look at our lives and pen a mark on our measuring stick and then look down to compare it to the mark of others, whether it's the world or the church. God's challenge looks a little different. try looking up. don't be afraid to see where God's mark is. it can be a bit intimadating if we see it as a climb we have to make ourselves, but if we see that the way to get there is only through the empowerment of the Holy spirit, we can see the hope of being like Christ. it's just like our pastor said a few weeks back, when we fulfill our responsibilities as believers, we have a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. we are living out who we were created to be. so many of us are stuck. i mean, how many of you actually spend time with God on a daily basis? be honest. now, if you're answer is rare, why do you think that's acceptable? as a new creation, given new life, expecting God's blessing and protection in our lives, why are we so quick to spend the least amount of time with the giver of those things. not that we should spend time with Him because of what we get, but because we love Him. we have hope of eternal life thanks to His son's sacrifice. that in and of itself is enough to spend the rest of our lives in worship and thanksgiving. instead, we give push back on commands like reverance, holiness, and fear. according to my own experience, we fear the unknown and are uncomfortable with vulnerability. we aren't practiced or trained in these things. in order to have freedom to fear God, revere Him, and strive for holiness, we have to be completely vulnerable. we HAVE to let go. we have to give Him room to change us. in order to walk out in these freedoms we have to take seriously our position as ,"a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation," (1 peter 2:9) i love my Bible. it has these awesome study tools called kindom dynamics. in one of them they make this statement." true authority is always related to a walk in purity and a constancy in worship. the spirit of worship is essental to all advance of the kingdom." ugh. how many of us really want to hear that? maybe on sunday morning, but how about on thursday afternoon when we are rounding up the kids and they are NOT cooperating. or maybe when a perfect stranger rudely cuts in front of us. how about when you're co workers are speaking of innappropriate things or gossipping about the boss. how about when your girlfriends are being critical of another woman's outter appearance. not those times. that's too much to ask of us.
so i conclude with this. we like the lessons and truths to be wrapped up in a pretty package on sunday morning. we like words like fear of God, reverence, and holiness coming out of the pastors mouth or presented in a beautiful melody, but when it comes to our personal lives, we want God to butt out. we want to live as we think we know best, just a few steps ahead of everyone else. but when life throws us a curve ball and we find ourelves in trouble, then we certainly expect God to come swooping down to rescue us.
now i can be a bit sarcastic and harsh with my words, but please know, i'm preachin to the choir here. i'm disgusted with my lack of reverance at times. with my own inability to allow God complete access to my heart, mind, and soul. but i have hope. i know God is good, kind, gracious, and only has plans to prosper me no matter the circumstance i may find myself in. and more than anything, i just want him to be proud of me. i want him to be able to trust me with more. i want others to want to know him as a result of knowing me. i want to love Jesus more today than yesterday. and i certainly hope all this for you.
i hope you're challenged today and i hope you choose the better life. the narrow, but most fulfilling path.
blessings
stephanie

who do i think i'm not?

.......who do i think i'm not? many days i've thought i'm not a good mother, friend, daughter, wife, and Christian. but thinking that is what holds me back from being good at those things. if i could stop focusing on my failures and see myself through God's eyes, i'd be that much closer to my destination. i look at opportunities and my first thought at times can be prideful. sure, i can do that. i'm capable. then fear sets in and i realize, no, i'm not. i cannot do that. i'm a failure. this is where the enemy sets up camp. but if i'm wise, i remember that he does not control my destiny and he is not the author of my life, God is. if i can grasp that truth and recieve it deep in to my soul, then all of a sudden i see hope in all the things i think i'm not. this is where i can get excited. all of sudden, they become a challenge. an opportunity to be better. a chance to let the Holy spirit flow through me and do incredible, miraculous things. THIS is where it gets interesting and where it may not be easy, but will be worth it. so today, i'm not thinking about all the things i'm not, i'm just giving myself up to a God who can make me all that and even better. happy soul searching!

i need an outlet~

i need an outlet to speak what's really on my mind. a place i can share things i've learned, my convicitons, my struggles, my victories, things that irritate me, plainly put.....my reality. i just want a place where i can be me. i find myself so often wishing i could just post something on my facebook page, but then i think, "that really isn't the place to say that. not everyone knows you steph and might not be as understanding to where you're coming from." i want to say the funny, unconventional thoughts in my head. i also want to be uncoventionally truthful. i feel i need a refuge for my thoughts. i promise not to say anything terribly offensive and never anything critical or rude, but i cannot promise everything you'll read here you'll like. so please take that in to consideration if you choose to bare this journey with me. i can just promise you'll always get the real me and i hope you'll find that refreshing. you're invited to come along, to share your thoughts. to disagree, disregard, or embrace. i just ask that you always be lovingly honest and refreshlying just YOU.

so, let me start with my first little story:
i was at the gym yesterday and thought i recognized the girl next to me on the treadmill. i asked her if she had signed up for the gold's gym challenge because i thought for sure i'd seen her. she didnt' look too happy that i'd asked, but abliged me with an answer. "no, i'm actually in training for a fitness competition, but i have a couple of clients that are that are doing well." oh jeez. i felt like such an idiot. i realized later if i'd just taken one good look at her, i would have known that wasn't the case. i knew she was probably thinking, "how could you think i was in a weight loss challenge?" hopefully she was more secure than that. who's to know. all i know is if i looked like her, i don't think i'd want to be asked that....because i know how much stinking effort it takes for some of us to look that good.
so i began my cardio i looked down & saw her on the weight floor preparing to do some squats. i felt even worse. she really did look good! she was so well proportioned, healthy, and fit. just the way i wish my body looked and even worse, the way it DID look 8 years ago. talk about a slap in the face. now here's the real me. i felt ashamed and just plain frustrated. it was a reminder that i have tried and failed so many times to get my body back, but i suffer from "undisciplinicity." that's my own word. don't try to look it up. it's a disease of quitting. when it comes to eating and exercise, i've tried and failed so many times i couldn't count. but i dont' want you to feel too bad for me. God and i have been working this out for a while and i believe we're finally getting somewhere. the company rich and i are part of has opened my eyes to so much truth and hope about health and wellness. it's a heritage i want desperately to give my kids. so my movitations are becoming as much about them as they are about me and even more about God.

in closing, i want to use this blog two fold. to speak relevant truth and connect with others and i really think that can be done by just sharing my story. one day at a time. the funny, the sad, the bittersweet, the crazy.....the real me.

the daily grind

i don't know how many times i've had the thought, "how did the women of the past do it? day in, day out. no change. no breaks. just hard work every day." i'm speaking of course, of the women say, a hundred years ago. every time i feel overwhelmed, overworked, underappreciated, exhausted, wasted, frustrated, or just plain whiny, these women come to mind. how is it they found value and joy in their lives? i imagine their days went something like this:
get up with the sun. if it's cold out, stoke the fire. start to prepare food for breakfast. (nothing instant then). go out to milk the cow for fresh milk. get the kids dressed and fed while preparing lunches for school. maybe send some off to school, while a little one or two stayed home. then clean, work the farm, prepare more meals....repeat, repeat.
you get the picture. the point is, most likely their homes were probabaly about a 1/4 of what most of us have. there was no escaping little ones. there was no hotly pursued "me time." most likely the idea of "girl time" was rare once married. so what's the difference in them and us? well, i definately think it's perspective & training. women grew up knowing what to expect. they saw their mom do it & they knew it was what they would do. i think they also had to keep their head in the game. no "woe is me," for those women. there was no time for that. it was survival of the fittest. but as i sat at the end of a long day, having done all the duties by myself from 7am - 9am, another idea occurred to me. maybe it was the lack of distraction. a lack of people, things, and opportunities to distract them. no tv to tell them about the latest and greatest or to tell them all the things they were missing out on. no malls or catalogues to tempt their senses. no internet to feed their lusts (for things of course :O) or steal their time. it was just them, their husband, and their kids. they worked as a team. one unit. every one did their part. there was no other way.
i'm not saying they had it better. i'm not saying we do either. i just know that at times i can find myself thinking thoughts of disappointment in my life and yet it would seem i have so much more than they did. but then again do i? opportunity, money, furniture, nice home, 2 vehicles, and a pantry full of ready to serve food. do all those things constitute better? i'd say yes and no. with the life i live, i get to enjoy time with my children and peope i love. i have the ability to serve and do things i love. but they can also be what steal my joy. they can be a vice that at times strangle the joy right out. so what's the balance?
i guess simplifying is the key. i can still enjoy the blessings and bounty of living in this modern age and at the same time remember my roots and the One that actually gives life. figuring out what's worth watering and making sure that the majority of my time is spent there. that will give me balance and value.
at least i know one day, i'll meet those great women in heaven and really have the answers to my questions.

who we were or who we are?

in the past couple months, i've ran into 4 different people at church from my past. these are people that came to broadway avenue baptist church when my dad was still the pastor and pastor love was our youth pastor. when the auditorium faced east/west and the pulpit was on the east side. i'm always taken by surprise to run into people from the past, but i really shouldn't be. i think as we get older, we are always looking backwards to find something to identify with. when we're young we are just who we are. who we want to be. no stress. no cares. no responsibilities. when we grow up we change, mostly because it's expected. sometimes it's the people around us that expect the most, that we find ourselves changing for. eventually we are something different. that change isn't always bad, unless we begin to change against our better judgement. if we begin to uproot our souls. if we begin to chase the things of the world. other people's approval. job promotions. or maybe we compromise just a little at at time. maybe we become something for someone else because we are insecure. whatever the reason....we change. then one day we find ourselves at a turning point. things don't turn out as we planned. we stop and ask ourselves how we got here and then? we look back. we start trying desperately to find something to identify with. something or someone we can find our old selves in again. reconnect with the things in our past that help us to regain some of that person we used to be. so i get it. i understand why the church is that for so many people. it was that for me. it was what i feared the most and needed the most all at the same time. coming back to broadway was so hard for me because of the people i'd let down and hurt. yet it was the foundation that never moved. the people continued to love and the doors continued to be open. just as they should. as i came back to the Lord i had to figure out how i would become the person i was created to be and never have to look back again. i came up with a bit of a metaphor that makes sense to me. my relationship with God is grown through his Word and prayer. think of it like my wedding ring. my ring has what's called a pressure setting. two sides press firmly to suspend the diamond. i'm the diamond (i like this part of the metaphor)....and the two sides are God's word and prayer. there must be constant pressure. the relationship of the three are inseparable. if there is any kind of loosening, the diamond is in danger of falling out. possibly being lost forever. that's how i feel. if i don't spend time with the Lord in study and prayer, i'm jeopardizing my spiritual life. when they are loose and faulty and inconsistent, i become the same. luckily, unlike my ring, tightening the pressure in our spiritual lives is all up to us and relatively easy. it takes discipline and desire. if those are not things you think you possess, God will give them to you as you spend time with him. as our pastor has been saying over the last couple months, we are new creations. all things passed away, all things become new. so do what you have to do to find that new creation, for the first time, or once again. but find it and hold tightly and never look back again.

BEING MOM

if you'd tried to tell me four years ago how wonderful being a mom would be, there's no way i would have been able to believe you. my mom used to always say, "you won't know love till you have one of your own." i couldn't comprehend that til i held rykon in my arms. in all honesty, until i had my own babies, i couldn't really even grasp how God could love me the way the Bible said He did. i will never be able to express my gratitude for the blessing of my children. my journey started w/the unexpected blessing of an amazing husband and continues now through two amazing children.

things have certainly changed in my life in a year. last mother's day, i was pregnant, tired, sick, and completely overwhelmed by financial stress. i was battling such oppression (a result of almost three years of absolute struggle). but then summer came, bringing w/it not only a new season of sunshine, but a new season of life. july brought to me my sweet baby girl and a new home. the past nine months have been some of the happiest of my life. i try so hard to live each day in little moments of gratitude. it's not always easy because satan is right there, whispering in my ear a reason to complain or feel sorry for myself. but when i get my sites back on the Lord and i take a long look at my life, i can easily pull myself together and remember who i am and what i've been given.

i love my children. i adore them. they are a constant gift to behold. each day they bring me knew memories, laughs, smiles, and tears. i could kiss their sweet, soft little faces for the rest of my life and never bore of it. i'm completely overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all yet completely grateful that God has entrusted these to precious gifts to me.

i don't think i could have this perspective if it wasn't for my mom's influence. she's always been a pillar of strength and wisdom for me. she's steady and unwavering. she's honest and kind. she is my best friend and my biggest fan. she has given me hope and strength to keep going at times when i didn't want to. she has been a provider, caretaker, teacher, mentor, and so much more. i love her w/all my heart and cherish every day i get to spend time with or talk with her.

so Sunday is mothers day in two ways for me. it's my opportunity to express my adoration and love for my mom, but it's also a time of worship and thanksgiving for the gift of motherhood.

i will never be the same and i'm so glad for that.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

heartbroken

my heart hurts today. i have a close friend who's spouse is about to tell their children that they are filing for divorce. it's not fair. it's times like this i have to lean on what i DO know about god. i have to remember that we have free will and we can choose to live our lives for ourselves or for god. it seems such an easy choice, but it absolutely is not on a daily basis. i want to grab those children and run with them straight to the father's arms so they'll know the peace that He gives, that they'll know, from an eternal perspective...it WILL be ok some day. but for right now, it burns. it's a pain deeper than i've known and i have known some deep pain. but i can't imagine there are too many things more painful than being completely unable to save the one thing that gives you the most security as a child.
over the last few years, i've seen one family after another split up. the reasons are many and they're all devastating. these were people just like me and just like you, but somewhere along the way, they stopped listening. they started letting their eyes wonder. they didn't submit themselves to the holy spirit as it nudged them gently....beckoning them to follow him. to stay away from the other options. it can happen to any of us. maybe some of us have been right there. i just know that the only way my family has a chance is to keep my knees to the earth, bowed before God, in complete submission. striving to live a life of holiness. it's hard and takes a strength beyond me, & that is why i'm thankful we have the holy spirit.
please pray for these families. pray for reconciliation. for complete restoration. pray for the families in your church, neighborhood, community. there's a war going on and personally, i'm just plain sick of it.

can you rise to it?

holiness has been on my mind ALOT this last year. the challenge of holiness continues to present itself as a constant theme in my circumstances, the messages i hear, and my daily devotions. it's not an easy subject to tame. i think because it's something much easier to sing about than to actually implement in our lives. holiness requires change in us. in the way that we choose daily what comes out of our mouths, what we listen to, what we watch, what we participate in, what we put in our mouths (or more, how much we do,) the way we respond to our spouse and kids.
a thought came to mind the other day about how to do this. do you think "acting" sold out for God would help you to get there emotionally? to rise to the call God's put before us? it seems to work that way in so many other areas of my life.
if i praise God in spite of sorrow my heart will eventually follow.
if i forgive someone who's hurt me, my emotions will begin to align.
when i choose to have faith in a circumstance that seems impossible, i begin to believe.
i've always been a firm believer in the idea that if you act first, you're heart will follow. this theme reoccurs time and time again in scripture AND typically, it's a step of faith that God requires before he'll move in your life.
so i've been challenging myself to do this. to strive for holiness, even if it's not the thing i desire in the moment, because i believe that my emotions and heart will align eventually. it will at some point transition from an occasional desire, to a full time passion in my life.
there's no shortage of scriptures that reinforces the call to holiness.
1 peter 1:15-16 says we are to be holy in ALL our conduct because God is holy.
romans 12:1-2 says we are to present our bodies as holy, to not be conformed to this world, but be transformed.
in ephesians chapters 4 & 5 paul calls us to equip ourselves, to not be tossed to and fro by trickery and deceitfulness, to renew the spirit of our mind, put on the new man in true righteousness and holiness, to let no corrupt word proceed out of our mouth, to have no fellowship w/darkness, and to not even SPEAK of those things which are done by them in secret.
i could go on.
the point is there's never a better time than now. what's more important? the movie you want to see? the place you want to go? the song you want to listen to? all for the sake of entertainment? or being able to one day stand blameless before God? honestly, i don't think many of us care much about that most days. i think we've distanced ourselves from the holiness of God so much that we don't really think much about it and even if we did, the conviction would last but a moment until we stepped back into our normal routines. then we'd be off again, swept away by the cares of this world. it's sad really. it's disappointing. but mostly, it's just plain sinful.
i hope that this year can be the year we take our inheritance seriously. where we can look god in the eye shamelessly. that we can take hold of all that God has for us and no longer take his name in vain, but really live for righteousness. i challenge you to let this year be your best yet. no matter what comes your way, rise to the occasion and be holy as He is holy.

care for me

will you care for me world? oh do you dare?
you're taking a risk for my love to share
i'll push you and pull you, for what i seek to find
this need deep inside me is something divine
created for creator i reach out for love
i scream for it, cry for it, i push, and i shove
i look over there, i run over here
but every direction just leads me to tears
finally i grow weary, my path leads to death
no peace in my heart, no hope, no rest
i lay down to die, broken heart in hand
i've grown hungry and thirsty in this dry weary land
as i drift off to sleep, familiar voice so clear
He's calling my name, gently wiping my tears
i look up to see with one last hope inside
"will you care for me?" i ask one last time
"I AM," He says, "I formed you from dust.
I knit you together, In Me put your trust."
and under His wings i found shelter to heal
now before His thrown on my knees i will kneel
never again will i seek care from another
for You are & have always been my Savior & Father.
SSS

where do you go?

make believe

we create, we dream

is it just imagination

or reality?

to live what we see

do we crave escape

can we live in the moment?

take a breath, contemplate

feel our way through the day

and hope for the best

days like today

are days like the rest

will we go to our place

so secret inside?

with no windows to open

and we can just hide

but troubles, they find us

even there as we sit

our dreams can't save us

and we fill with regret

"if only i'd listened,

and spoken my heart,

to save my troubled mind

where do i start?"

come out from yourself

from your make believe

you must reach for Him

He's your only relief

grab hold don't let go

let Him lead you back home

for His strength is endless

your fate in Him alone.....

you woke up this morning

familiar thoughts filled your mind

but you know what to do

no failure this time

you'll run to His arms

you've learned from before

no escape from reality

your reality, now the Lord

SSS

FEAR

it's crept in to my heart again

i don't know how or even when

i just know that yesterday

i did not feel this way

it makes its journey through my mind

& then in to my heart

i know not where it ends

or how it got its start

i think it made it's strategic move

when i let just one thought in

it took it's residence back up

in familiar places been

how will i ever overcome

this evil little threat?

i must refuse it what it wants,

for in me it seeks death

my only source of strength will come

from creator God himself

He must infiltrate my spirit

with a better kind of health

and as i take a hold of what

He offers me to drink

my fears will go and i'll revive

a spirit new and clean

tonight i take my place in silence

for i'm weary from the day

then close my eyes to site a prayer

for i know not what to say

but God is good He hears my cry

and in his word He says

that i may take my shelter up

and rest my weary head

through this His comfort and his grace

flows freedom full and strong

and once again i fall back in

to his arms where i belong

SSS

beth moore recap II

i had this almost finished when i thought, i better save this to my computer. i highlighted the whole thing and ry hit just the right button to delete it all. i am still too frustrated to begin again right now, but i WILL finish it later today. sorry about the delay

TO: the annointed

ok, so looking at that title you might be thinking...."annointed? who me? um... yeah, i must be movin on now." please don't. i want you to hear what this post has to say. it's not me, but beth moore. i was blessed enough to attend her most recent conference here in town and the stuff was soooo good, i just had to share it. i know many of you did not get to go, so i wanted you to have the chance to hear a condensed version of the message she had for us. so...i'm going to paraphrase a bit. everything written in CAPITAL letters will be my two cents/opinions/add ins. so i hope you'll take the time to digest all that you will read. i promise, it will not disappoint.

so the night beth asked us this question. can god trust you? do you find yourself asking if you can trust god most of the time? well, god is asking you the same question. he has a gift for you, something he will do supernaturally through you. a gift that is your own, but he's waiting. he's looking for a trustworthy generation. she asked us, what would happen if we became trustworthy with power, profound influence, and holy annointing? WOW, TALK ABOUT GETTIN TO THE POINT! THIS REALLY GOT IN MY HEAD. AM I TRUSTWORTHY? I NEVER THINK OF IT LIKE THAT. I'M ALWAYS THE ONE ASKING HIM IF HE'LL COME THROUGH, WILL HE PROVIDE, WILL HE PROTECT US? THIS ABSOLUTELY GAVE ME A NEW PERSPECTIVE.
in I tim 4:14, it says that we are not to neglect our gift. beth said if we minimize our gift, it's sin, not humility. to define "gift" is this: the supernatural unction to fulfill divine purpose during our earthly tenure. it's somthing miraculous that only god can do. we cannot do it in our own flesh (I cor 12:4-7) THIS GIFT IS NOT AS WE MAY SOMETIMES TEND TO THINK OF IT. IT'S NOT OUR ABILITIES PERSAY. I THINK IT'S MORE THAN THAT. NOW OUR GIFTS SUCH AS TEACHING, PROPHECY, MERCY, ETC...ARE THE VEHICLES THROUGH WHICH THIS GIFT MOVES, BUT THINGS LIKE SINGING, WORKING WELL WITH CHILDREN, ETC....IS NOT NECESSARILY WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT...AT LEAST THAT'S NOT HOW I TOOK IT.
in II tim 1:9 the verse talks about this purpose. it's as if god has a proposal for what He wants to do with our life, set up on an easel in front of him. he's waiting for us to take hold of it, to recieve it, but he will not force it on us. he will let us neglect it. I THOUGHT THIS WAS SO SAD. TO THINK OF ALL THAT WE MISS OUT ON. TO THINK OF ALL THE UNNECESSARY PAIN WE GO THROUGH, ALL BECAUSE WE WILL NOT GIVE UP SOME THINGS TO MAKE OURSELVES WORTHY OF THIS GIFT. WE WILL NOT GIVE UP COMFORTS TO TAKE HOLD OF OUR GIFT.
god prepared for our maximum giftedness through a two-fold heritage. our family of origin and our family of faith. for some of us, in both of heritages, god was the center. others, our family of origin was pretty messed up and unhealthy. IF WE'RE NOT CAREFUL WE CAN USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE AND FALL INTO TO LIES. WE WILL BEGIN BELEIVING OUR PAST WILL MAKE US UNWORTHY TO BE USED. BUT BETH MADE IT CLEAR...your line was permitted by god for your purpose! OK, I'LL REPEAT THAT CAUSE YOU NEED TO GET IT. your line, was permitted by your god, for your purpose! it is what god uses to break me then make me. all the disfunction, abuse, hypocracy, is useful to god. every bit of your pain has profound purpose. part of the fire that comes from your pain will become your passion. SO, WE MUST NOT MINIMALIZE OUR PASTS OR PAIN OR WE ARE ROBBING OURSELVES OF POTENTIAL SUPERNATURAL POWER AND PURPOSE. GOD WILL TAKE OUR HEALED HEARTS AND MAKE THEM STRONGER AND GIVE US STRENGTH TO SHARE WHAT HE HAS DONE, TO IMPACT THOSE AROUND US. OUR STORIES ARE NOT OUR OWN. THEY ARE GOD'S. IT IS HIS ROMANCE NOVEL AND IT DESERVES TO BE TOLD!
it's as if we are a crossection for god. he works in the middle of the natural and spiritual. this gift is like a flame. and it must be fanned. how do we do that? by checking our x's.
1. existance - we've got to have an intimate thing with jesus. know him
2. exposure - to people using their gifts, iron sharpening iron
3. experience - use them - serve. if you're not sure, that's ok, try something
4. excellence - figure out a couple things and do them with excellence
5. exhaling - take a sabath. time to breathe. to cease knowing how to rest is a sin
6. exit - we get secure in sameness. you need to know when to move on
GOD CAN GIFT US AND USE US IN MANY WAYS. WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW TO ACCESS, USE, AND MOVE ON WHEN GOD IS READY TO TAKE US TO A DIFFERENT LEVEL.
this gift and all that equips it is a trust that must be guarded. if you haven't realized it yet, the enemy's agenda is to ruin your affectiveness and wants to prove you a fraud/fake. he knows how gifted you are. we are the annointed ones and he is not, so he will try to get us to be inaffective. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT THIS IS ONE AREA I KNOW SATAN GETS VICTORY AT TIMES. NOT VICTORY OVER THE WHOLE WAR, BUT AT LEAST IN THIS PARTICULAR BATTLE.
the thing is, you can not cheat the annointing. things like unforgiveness, what we watch, what we listen to, things we say (gossip) are carnality, satan's handiwork, and carnality can take off the annointing. WOW AGAIN. THIS ONE HIT HOME WITH ME. HOW CRAFTY OUR ENEMY IS HUG? IF HE CAN GET US TO JUST GIVE IN BY LISTENING TO THAT GOSSIP, SPREADING GOSSIP OURSELVES, WATCHING THAT SHOW EVEN WHEN THE SUBJECT MATTER IS COMPLETELY UNGODLY, AND CONTINUING TO JUSTIFY OUR ACTIONS ALL FOR THE SAKE OF ENTERTAINMENT OR MERE SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS (THAT LITTLE THING WE REPEAT TO OURSELVES THAT WHAT WE'RE DOING ISN'T AS BAD AS SOME PEOPLE OR BECAUSE WE'RE WATCING IT AND NOT DOING IT OURSELVES IT'S OK), THEN HE'S GOT US.
WELL, I'M GOING TO STOP HERE. I THINK WE'VE GOT ENOUGH TO CHEW ON FOR A BIT. I'LL FINISH THE CONCLUSION SOME TIME IN THE NEXT DAY OR SO. TILL THEN, IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OR COMMENT, PLEASE RESPOND AND I'LL ADDRESS IN THE NEXT POST.

spontaneous waste

i got a call from my friend in flagstaff yesterday. she was in phoenix about to board a plane to florida. she had been watching something about a revival going on there and felt led to go. she says that over 9000 people a day show up. it started as a five day conference at a small church and is now at a stadium with thousands pouring in from all over the world daily, just to worship and be touched by god. no one else i know would ever do that. she's going by herself, renting a car when she gets there, and driving to lakeland. this kind of spontaneity was one of the things that kept us from being friends for a long time. i didn't understand it about her. i was always so planned, calculated, organized. she was the exact opposite. but we were drawn together by our desire to know and love jesus. she taught me how to "let go" and i helped her see the good in a little planning.

how often are we spontaneous in our response to God? are we close enough to him to even know when he leads us to go? to know his voice over our own? she is a lover of the word and her savior. she knows his voice. so when he leads, she knows, and she goes.

see, she's been sick with an auto-immune disease for a couple of years now, that she contracted when she was a missionary in thailand. she's battled terrible stomach pains and has prayed for healing. she believes that God's calling her to florida because he's going to heal her. i love that about her. it's her faith i love. she doesn't waste time thinking about the things of this world, she is more concerned about being faithful, doing and going where he leads. she seeks to be in his presence on a moment by moment basis so that as trials and tribulation come, her character is strong enough to endure it so that the refining process may take place. i mean, i can't tell you how many times i've thought to myself, "i just can't stand to let that food go to waste." or i'll think something like, "we can't do that, it's just a waste of money and time." what about all the time i waste not in God's presence? i know, you might think...but sparky...we can't be in god's presence all the time. we have lives we have to live. agreed, we do have lives we have to live, responsibilities, people to care for. but why can't we do it all in the presence of god? our time with his is not limited to our daily devotions or worship at church. we are to be eternally minded. there are things going on around us in the spiritual realm that we are completely unaware of. so it is absolutely necessary that we be in the presence of god moment by moment. we do this by walking in love and light (ephesians 5:1-14). if we don't, we are in danger of grieving the holy spirit and our words and lives turn from edifying to corruption. AND we are in danger of missing out on some amazing things he wants to do in our lives.

so what kind of spontaneous thing is god leading you to do? what kinds of resources and time have you been wasting? i hope today you're encouraged. it's not too late. God has not removed you from this life yet. get back up and seek him out. he's there to be found. and besides, it is our duty to walk as he did. jesus said we would receive power when the holy spirit came upon us (acts 1:8). we can minister and live as he did, if we will just keep our eyes up! don't look down. just look up...and don't waste anymore time. be spontaneous, let him lead you. you will never be disappointed.

"for you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. walk as children of the light for the fruit of the spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth, finding out what is acceptable to the Lord." Ephesians 5:8-10

a call worth answering

today my mom is flying out to europe. she's meeting my dad to visit some missionaries. what else they will do, well, i couldn't tell you specifics. i just know they hit the road running and they help alot of people.

my parents live an adventure and they are such strong, stable, giving, real people and i know that is why others are so drawn to them. they live such an amazing life. funny thing since they were just two people, who started out in el paso, had a baby, moved to abilene, had another baby, on to dallas for a third baby, and then the calling to boise. i can't tell you that my mom was all that happy. i mean, who in their right mind would want to live in boise? where is that anyway? ohio? iowa? do they even have running water and electricity? besides, i'm sure it's miserably cold. all the thoughts i believe ran through my mom's head and her whole families when my father announced they'd be going :O) not to mention with 3 kids all under 5 in tow. but they went, because god called them. they couldn't bare the thought of not being obedient. they loved and still do love the lord with all their hearts. how many of us could say we'd be willing to give up our lifestyles, our friends, church, family, and move on to somewhere that we weren't even sure existed? this is one of the many reasons why i honor them and respect them so highly. they gave up a lot to come here, but it was without a doubt for much more gain than they'd ever expected. when they took broadway ave baptist church over, it had around 5 families. today, 30 years, two buildings, and an addition of 11+ staff later, it runs around 800. talk about reaping. i'm blown away at all god has done over the years. now my parents couldn't imagine living anywhere else. they love this valley.

all these years and even from the beginning, my parents have had a passion for missions. about 7 years ago (i could be off a bit) god began to call them to a new ministry, uncharted territory. god gave them a vision of a ministry that would act as a liaison for the missionary. IMAP-international missionary advocate personnel. imap takes on projects, raising money and support, so that the missionary doesn't have to come off the field, taking precious time away from their ministries and using their recources to do this. to go from a secure job, that you've done for over 35 years, being in your 50's, to start a new ministry was a leap of faith to say the least. but god has more than blessed and opened innumerable doors. it has been one miracle after another and god's providing.

so here's to you mom and dad. i'll miss you over the next few weeks. you're my best friends and i love you so much. but even more, i honor you because you are brave soldiers of the king and your testimony and legacy to your children and all who know you will live on for years to come!

to get involved you can visit their website at

http://www.i-map.org/