care for me

will you care for me world? oh do you dare?
you're taking a risk for my love to share
i'll push you and pull you, for what i seek to find
this need deep inside me is something divine
created for creator i reach out for love
i scream for it, cry for it, i push, and i shove
i look over there, i run over here
but every direction just leads me to tears
finally i grow weary, my path leads to death
no peace in my heart, no hope, no rest
i lay down to die, broken heart in hand
i've grown hungry and thirsty in this dry weary land
as i drift off to sleep, familiar voice so clear
He's calling my name, gently wiping my tears
i look up to see with one last hope inside
"will you care for me?" i ask one last time
"I AM," He says, "I formed you from dust.
I knit you together, In Me put your trust."
and under His wings i found shelter to heal
now before His thrown on my knees i will kneel
never again will i seek care from another
for You are & have always been my Savior & Father.
SSS

where do you go?

make believe

we create, we dream

is it just imagination

or reality?

to live what we see

do we crave escape

can we live in the moment?

take a breath, contemplate

feel our way through the day

and hope for the best

days like today

are days like the rest

will we go to our place

so secret inside?

with no windows to open

and we can just hide

but troubles, they find us

even there as we sit

our dreams can't save us

and we fill with regret

"if only i'd listened,

and spoken my heart,

to save my troubled mind

where do i start?"

come out from yourself

from your make believe

you must reach for Him

He's your only relief

grab hold don't let go

let Him lead you back home

for His strength is endless

your fate in Him alone.....

you woke up this morning

familiar thoughts filled your mind

but you know what to do

no failure this time

you'll run to His arms

you've learned from before

no escape from reality

your reality, now the Lord

SSS

FEAR

it's crept in to my heart again

i don't know how or even when

i just know that yesterday

i did not feel this way

it makes its journey through my mind

& then in to my heart

i know not where it ends

or how it got its start

i think it made it's strategic move

when i let just one thought in

it took it's residence back up

in familiar places been

how will i ever overcome

this evil little threat?

i must refuse it what it wants,

for in me it seeks death

my only source of strength will come

from creator God himself

He must infiltrate my spirit

with a better kind of health

and as i take a hold of what

He offers me to drink

my fears will go and i'll revive

a spirit new and clean

tonight i take my place in silence

for i'm weary from the day

then close my eyes to site a prayer

for i know not what to say

but God is good He hears my cry

and in his word He says

that i may take my shelter up

and rest my weary head

through this His comfort and his grace

flows freedom full and strong

and once again i fall back in

to his arms where i belong

SSS

beth moore recap II

i had this almost finished when i thought, i better save this to my computer. i highlighted the whole thing and ry hit just the right button to delete it all. i am still too frustrated to begin again right now, but i WILL finish it later today. sorry about the delay

TO: the annointed

ok, so looking at that title you might be thinking...."annointed? who me? um... yeah, i must be movin on now." please don't. i want you to hear what this post has to say. it's not me, but beth moore. i was blessed enough to attend her most recent conference here in town and the stuff was soooo good, i just had to share it. i know many of you did not get to go, so i wanted you to have the chance to hear a condensed version of the message she had for us. so...i'm going to paraphrase a bit. everything written in CAPITAL letters will be my two cents/opinions/add ins. so i hope you'll take the time to digest all that you will read. i promise, it will not disappoint.

so the night beth asked us this question. can god trust you? do you find yourself asking if you can trust god most of the time? well, god is asking you the same question. he has a gift for you, something he will do supernaturally through you. a gift that is your own, but he's waiting. he's looking for a trustworthy generation. she asked us, what would happen if we became trustworthy with power, profound influence, and holy annointing? WOW, TALK ABOUT GETTIN TO THE POINT! THIS REALLY GOT IN MY HEAD. AM I TRUSTWORTHY? I NEVER THINK OF IT LIKE THAT. I'M ALWAYS THE ONE ASKING HIM IF HE'LL COME THROUGH, WILL HE PROVIDE, WILL HE PROTECT US? THIS ABSOLUTELY GAVE ME A NEW PERSPECTIVE.
in I tim 4:14, it says that we are not to neglect our gift. beth said if we minimize our gift, it's sin, not humility. to define "gift" is this: the supernatural unction to fulfill divine purpose during our earthly tenure. it's somthing miraculous that only god can do. we cannot do it in our own flesh (I cor 12:4-7) THIS GIFT IS NOT AS WE MAY SOMETIMES TEND TO THINK OF IT. IT'S NOT OUR ABILITIES PERSAY. I THINK IT'S MORE THAN THAT. NOW OUR GIFTS SUCH AS TEACHING, PROPHECY, MERCY, ETC...ARE THE VEHICLES THROUGH WHICH THIS GIFT MOVES, BUT THINGS LIKE SINGING, WORKING WELL WITH CHILDREN, ETC....IS NOT NECESSARILY WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT...AT LEAST THAT'S NOT HOW I TOOK IT.
in II tim 1:9 the verse talks about this purpose. it's as if god has a proposal for what He wants to do with our life, set up on an easel in front of him. he's waiting for us to take hold of it, to recieve it, but he will not force it on us. he will let us neglect it. I THOUGHT THIS WAS SO SAD. TO THINK OF ALL THAT WE MISS OUT ON. TO THINK OF ALL THE UNNECESSARY PAIN WE GO THROUGH, ALL BECAUSE WE WILL NOT GIVE UP SOME THINGS TO MAKE OURSELVES WORTHY OF THIS GIFT. WE WILL NOT GIVE UP COMFORTS TO TAKE HOLD OF OUR GIFT.
god prepared for our maximum giftedness through a two-fold heritage. our family of origin and our family of faith. for some of us, in both of heritages, god was the center. others, our family of origin was pretty messed up and unhealthy. IF WE'RE NOT CAREFUL WE CAN USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE AND FALL INTO TO LIES. WE WILL BEGIN BELEIVING OUR PAST WILL MAKE US UNWORTHY TO BE USED. BUT BETH MADE IT CLEAR...your line was permitted by god for your purpose! OK, I'LL REPEAT THAT CAUSE YOU NEED TO GET IT. your line, was permitted by your god, for your purpose! it is what god uses to break me then make me. all the disfunction, abuse, hypocracy, is useful to god. every bit of your pain has profound purpose. part of the fire that comes from your pain will become your passion. SO, WE MUST NOT MINIMALIZE OUR PASTS OR PAIN OR WE ARE ROBBING OURSELVES OF POTENTIAL SUPERNATURAL POWER AND PURPOSE. GOD WILL TAKE OUR HEALED HEARTS AND MAKE THEM STRONGER AND GIVE US STRENGTH TO SHARE WHAT HE HAS DONE, TO IMPACT THOSE AROUND US. OUR STORIES ARE NOT OUR OWN. THEY ARE GOD'S. IT IS HIS ROMANCE NOVEL AND IT DESERVES TO BE TOLD!
it's as if we are a crossection for god. he works in the middle of the natural and spiritual. this gift is like a flame. and it must be fanned. how do we do that? by checking our x's.
1. existance - we've got to have an intimate thing with jesus. know him
2. exposure - to people using their gifts, iron sharpening iron
3. experience - use them - serve. if you're not sure, that's ok, try something
4. excellence - figure out a couple things and do them with excellence
5. exhaling - take a sabath. time to breathe. to cease knowing how to rest is a sin
6. exit - we get secure in sameness. you need to know when to move on
GOD CAN GIFT US AND USE US IN MANY WAYS. WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW TO ACCESS, USE, AND MOVE ON WHEN GOD IS READY TO TAKE US TO A DIFFERENT LEVEL.
this gift and all that equips it is a trust that must be guarded. if you haven't realized it yet, the enemy's agenda is to ruin your affectiveness and wants to prove you a fraud/fake. he knows how gifted you are. we are the annointed ones and he is not, so he will try to get us to be inaffective. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT THIS IS ONE AREA I KNOW SATAN GETS VICTORY AT TIMES. NOT VICTORY OVER THE WHOLE WAR, BUT AT LEAST IN THIS PARTICULAR BATTLE.
the thing is, you can not cheat the annointing. things like unforgiveness, what we watch, what we listen to, things we say (gossip) are carnality, satan's handiwork, and carnality can take off the annointing. WOW AGAIN. THIS ONE HIT HOME WITH ME. HOW CRAFTY OUR ENEMY IS HUG? IF HE CAN GET US TO JUST GIVE IN BY LISTENING TO THAT GOSSIP, SPREADING GOSSIP OURSELVES, WATCHING THAT SHOW EVEN WHEN THE SUBJECT MATTER IS COMPLETELY UNGODLY, AND CONTINUING TO JUSTIFY OUR ACTIONS ALL FOR THE SAKE OF ENTERTAINMENT OR MERE SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS (THAT LITTLE THING WE REPEAT TO OURSELVES THAT WHAT WE'RE DOING ISN'T AS BAD AS SOME PEOPLE OR BECAUSE WE'RE WATCING IT AND NOT DOING IT OURSELVES IT'S OK), THEN HE'S GOT US.
WELL, I'M GOING TO STOP HERE. I THINK WE'VE GOT ENOUGH TO CHEW ON FOR A BIT. I'LL FINISH THE CONCLUSION SOME TIME IN THE NEXT DAY OR SO. TILL THEN, IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OR COMMENT, PLEASE RESPOND AND I'LL ADDRESS IN THE NEXT POST.

spontaneous waste

i got a call from my friend in flagstaff yesterday. she was in phoenix about to board a plane to florida. she had been watching something about a revival going on there and felt led to go. she says that over 9000 people a day show up. it started as a five day conference at a small church and is now at a stadium with thousands pouring in from all over the world daily, just to worship and be touched by god. no one else i know would ever do that. she's going by herself, renting a car when she gets there, and driving to lakeland. this kind of spontaneity was one of the things that kept us from being friends for a long time. i didn't understand it about her. i was always so planned, calculated, organized. she was the exact opposite. but we were drawn together by our desire to know and love jesus. she taught me how to "let go" and i helped her see the good in a little planning.

how often are we spontaneous in our response to God? are we close enough to him to even know when he leads us to go? to know his voice over our own? she is a lover of the word and her savior. she knows his voice. so when he leads, she knows, and she goes.

see, she's been sick with an auto-immune disease for a couple of years now, that she contracted when she was a missionary in thailand. she's battled terrible stomach pains and has prayed for healing. she believes that God's calling her to florida because he's going to heal her. i love that about her. it's her faith i love. she doesn't waste time thinking about the things of this world, she is more concerned about being faithful, doing and going where he leads. she seeks to be in his presence on a moment by moment basis so that as trials and tribulation come, her character is strong enough to endure it so that the refining process may take place. i mean, i can't tell you how many times i've thought to myself, "i just can't stand to let that food go to waste." or i'll think something like, "we can't do that, it's just a waste of money and time." what about all the time i waste not in God's presence? i know, you might think...but sparky...we can't be in god's presence all the time. we have lives we have to live. agreed, we do have lives we have to live, responsibilities, people to care for. but why can't we do it all in the presence of god? our time with his is not limited to our daily devotions or worship at church. we are to be eternally minded. there are things going on around us in the spiritual realm that we are completely unaware of. so it is absolutely necessary that we be in the presence of god moment by moment. we do this by walking in love and light (ephesians 5:1-14). if we don't, we are in danger of grieving the holy spirit and our words and lives turn from edifying to corruption. AND we are in danger of missing out on some amazing things he wants to do in our lives.

so what kind of spontaneous thing is god leading you to do? what kinds of resources and time have you been wasting? i hope today you're encouraged. it's not too late. God has not removed you from this life yet. get back up and seek him out. he's there to be found. and besides, it is our duty to walk as he did. jesus said we would receive power when the holy spirit came upon us (acts 1:8). we can minister and live as he did, if we will just keep our eyes up! don't look down. just look up...and don't waste anymore time. be spontaneous, let him lead you. you will never be disappointed.

"for you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. walk as children of the light for the fruit of the spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth, finding out what is acceptable to the Lord." Ephesians 5:8-10

a call worth answering

today my mom is flying out to europe. she's meeting my dad to visit some missionaries. what else they will do, well, i couldn't tell you specifics. i just know they hit the road running and they help alot of people.

my parents live an adventure and they are such strong, stable, giving, real people and i know that is why others are so drawn to them. they live such an amazing life. funny thing since they were just two people, who started out in el paso, had a baby, moved to abilene, had another baby, on to dallas for a third baby, and then the calling to boise. i can't tell you that my mom was all that happy. i mean, who in their right mind would want to live in boise? where is that anyway? ohio? iowa? do they even have running water and electricity? besides, i'm sure it's miserably cold. all the thoughts i believe ran through my mom's head and her whole families when my father announced they'd be going :O) not to mention with 3 kids all under 5 in tow. but they went, because god called them. they couldn't bare the thought of not being obedient. they loved and still do love the lord with all their hearts. how many of us could say we'd be willing to give up our lifestyles, our friends, church, family, and move on to somewhere that we weren't even sure existed? this is one of the many reasons why i honor them and respect them so highly. they gave up a lot to come here, but it was without a doubt for much more gain than they'd ever expected. when they took broadway ave baptist church over, it had around 5 families. today, 30 years, two buildings, and an addition of 11+ staff later, it runs around 800. talk about reaping. i'm blown away at all god has done over the years. now my parents couldn't imagine living anywhere else. they love this valley.

all these years and even from the beginning, my parents have had a passion for missions. about 7 years ago (i could be off a bit) god began to call them to a new ministry, uncharted territory. god gave them a vision of a ministry that would act as a liaison for the missionary. IMAP-international missionary advocate personnel. imap takes on projects, raising money and support, so that the missionary doesn't have to come off the field, taking precious time away from their ministries and using their recources to do this. to go from a secure job, that you've done for over 35 years, being in your 50's, to start a new ministry was a leap of faith to say the least. but god has more than blessed and opened innumerable doors. it has been one miracle after another and god's providing.

so here's to you mom and dad. i'll miss you over the next few weeks. you're my best friends and i love you so much. but even more, i honor you because you are brave soldiers of the king and your testimony and legacy to your children and all who know you will live on for years to come!

to get involved you can visit their website at

http://www.i-map.org/