BEING MOM

if you'd tried to tell me four years ago how wonderful being a mom would be, there's no way i would have been able to believe you. my mom used to always say, "you won't know love till you have one of your own." i couldn't comprehend that til i held rykon in my arms. in all honesty, until i had my own babies, i couldn't really even grasp how God could love me the way the Bible said He did. i will never be able to express my gratitude for the blessing of my children. my journey started w/the unexpected blessing of an amazing husband and continues now through two amazing children.

things have certainly changed in my life in a year. last mother's day, i was pregnant, tired, sick, and completely overwhelmed by financial stress. i was battling such oppression (a result of almost three years of absolute struggle). but then summer came, bringing w/it not only a new season of sunshine, but a new season of life. july brought to me my sweet baby girl and a new home. the past nine months have been some of the happiest of my life. i try so hard to live each day in little moments of gratitude. it's not always easy because satan is right there, whispering in my ear a reason to complain or feel sorry for myself. but when i get my sites back on the Lord and i take a long look at my life, i can easily pull myself together and remember who i am and what i've been given.

i love my children. i adore them. they are a constant gift to behold. each day they bring me knew memories, laughs, smiles, and tears. i could kiss their sweet, soft little faces for the rest of my life and never bore of it. i'm completely overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all yet completely grateful that God has entrusted these to precious gifts to me.

i don't think i could have this perspective if it wasn't for my mom's influence. she's always been a pillar of strength and wisdom for me. she's steady and unwavering. she's honest and kind. she is my best friend and my biggest fan. she has given me hope and strength to keep going at times when i didn't want to. she has been a provider, caretaker, teacher, mentor, and so much more. i love her w/all my heart and cherish every day i get to spend time with or talk with her.

so Sunday is mothers day in two ways for me. it's my opportunity to express my adoration and love for my mom, but it's also a time of worship and thanksgiving for the gift of motherhood.

i will never be the same and i'm so glad for that.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

heartbroken

my heart hurts today. i have a close friend who's spouse is about to tell their children that they are filing for divorce. it's not fair. it's times like this i have to lean on what i DO know about god. i have to remember that we have free will and we can choose to live our lives for ourselves or for god. it seems such an easy choice, but it absolutely is not on a daily basis. i want to grab those children and run with them straight to the father's arms so they'll know the peace that He gives, that they'll know, from an eternal perspective...it WILL be ok some day. but for right now, it burns. it's a pain deeper than i've known and i have known some deep pain. but i can't imagine there are too many things more painful than being completely unable to save the one thing that gives you the most security as a child.
over the last few years, i've seen one family after another split up. the reasons are many and they're all devastating. these were people just like me and just like you, but somewhere along the way, they stopped listening. they started letting their eyes wonder. they didn't submit themselves to the holy spirit as it nudged them gently....beckoning them to follow him. to stay away from the other options. it can happen to any of us. maybe some of us have been right there. i just know that the only way my family has a chance is to keep my knees to the earth, bowed before God, in complete submission. striving to live a life of holiness. it's hard and takes a strength beyond me, & that is why i'm thankful we have the holy spirit.
please pray for these families. pray for reconciliation. for complete restoration. pray for the families in your church, neighborhood, community. there's a war going on and personally, i'm just plain sick of it.

can you rise to it?

holiness has been on my mind ALOT this last year. the challenge of holiness continues to present itself as a constant theme in my circumstances, the messages i hear, and my daily devotions. it's not an easy subject to tame. i think because it's something much easier to sing about than to actually implement in our lives. holiness requires change in us. in the way that we choose daily what comes out of our mouths, what we listen to, what we watch, what we participate in, what we put in our mouths (or more, how much we do,) the way we respond to our spouse and kids.
a thought came to mind the other day about how to do this. do you think "acting" sold out for God would help you to get there emotionally? to rise to the call God's put before us? it seems to work that way in so many other areas of my life.
if i praise God in spite of sorrow my heart will eventually follow.
if i forgive someone who's hurt me, my emotions will begin to align.
when i choose to have faith in a circumstance that seems impossible, i begin to believe.
i've always been a firm believer in the idea that if you act first, you're heart will follow. this theme reoccurs time and time again in scripture AND typically, it's a step of faith that God requires before he'll move in your life.
so i've been challenging myself to do this. to strive for holiness, even if it's not the thing i desire in the moment, because i believe that my emotions and heart will align eventually. it will at some point transition from an occasional desire, to a full time passion in my life.
there's no shortage of scriptures that reinforces the call to holiness.
1 peter 1:15-16 says we are to be holy in ALL our conduct because God is holy.
romans 12:1-2 says we are to present our bodies as holy, to not be conformed to this world, but be transformed.
in ephesians chapters 4 & 5 paul calls us to equip ourselves, to not be tossed to and fro by trickery and deceitfulness, to renew the spirit of our mind, put on the new man in true righteousness and holiness, to let no corrupt word proceed out of our mouth, to have no fellowship w/darkness, and to not even SPEAK of those things which are done by them in secret.
i could go on.
the point is there's never a better time than now. what's more important? the movie you want to see? the place you want to go? the song you want to listen to? all for the sake of entertainment? or being able to one day stand blameless before God? honestly, i don't think many of us care much about that most days. i think we've distanced ourselves from the holiness of God so much that we don't really think much about it and even if we did, the conviction would last but a moment until we stepped back into our normal routines. then we'd be off again, swept away by the cares of this world. it's sad really. it's disappointing. but mostly, it's just plain sinful.
i hope that this year can be the year we take our inheritance seriously. where we can look god in the eye shamelessly. that we can take hold of all that God has for us and no longer take his name in vain, but really live for righteousness. i challenge you to let this year be your best yet. no matter what comes your way, rise to the occasion and be holy as He is holy.

care for me

will you care for me world? oh do you dare?
you're taking a risk for my love to share
i'll push you and pull you, for what i seek to find
this need deep inside me is something divine
created for creator i reach out for love
i scream for it, cry for it, i push, and i shove
i look over there, i run over here
but every direction just leads me to tears
finally i grow weary, my path leads to death
no peace in my heart, no hope, no rest
i lay down to die, broken heart in hand
i've grown hungry and thirsty in this dry weary land
as i drift off to sleep, familiar voice so clear
He's calling my name, gently wiping my tears
i look up to see with one last hope inside
"will you care for me?" i ask one last time
"I AM," He says, "I formed you from dust.
I knit you together, In Me put your trust."
and under His wings i found shelter to heal
now before His thrown on my knees i will kneel
never again will i seek care from another
for You are & have always been my Savior & Father.
SSS

where do you go?

make believe

we create, we dream

is it just imagination

or reality?

to live what we see

do we crave escape

can we live in the moment?

take a breath, contemplate

feel our way through the day

and hope for the best

days like today

are days like the rest

will we go to our place

so secret inside?

with no windows to open

and we can just hide

but troubles, they find us

even there as we sit

our dreams can't save us

and we fill with regret

"if only i'd listened,

and spoken my heart,

to save my troubled mind

where do i start?"

come out from yourself

from your make believe

you must reach for Him

He's your only relief

grab hold don't let go

let Him lead you back home

for His strength is endless

your fate in Him alone.....

you woke up this morning

familiar thoughts filled your mind

but you know what to do

no failure this time

you'll run to His arms

you've learned from before

no escape from reality

your reality, now the Lord

SSS

FEAR

it's crept in to my heart again

i don't know how or even when

i just know that yesterday

i did not feel this way

it makes its journey through my mind

& then in to my heart

i know not where it ends

or how it got its start

i think it made it's strategic move

when i let just one thought in

it took it's residence back up

in familiar places been

how will i ever overcome

this evil little threat?

i must refuse it what it wants,

for in me it seeks death

my only source of strength will come

from creator God himself

He must infiltrate my spirit

with a better kind of health

and as i take a hold of what

He offers me to drink

my fears will go and i'll revive

a spirit new and clean

tonight i take my place in silence

for i'm weary from the day

then close my eyes to site a prayer

for i know not what to say

but God is good He hears my cry

and in his word He says

that i may take my shelter up

and rest my weary head

through this His comfort and his grace

flows freedom full and strong

and once again i fall back in

to his arms where i belong

SSS

beth moore recap II

i had this almost finished when i thought, i better save this to my computer. i highlighted the whole thing and ry hit just the right button to delete it all. i am still too frustrated to begin again right now, but i WILL finish it later today. sorry about the delay